Because I Said So

Because. I. Said. So. 

Four words so familiar and iconic they titled a movie starring Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. 

We all heard those four words growing up, and many of us swore we'd never use them on our own kids. But let's be real: most of us have. 

When I first became a parent, I looked at because I said so as a total copout--the phrase parents use when they don't feel like dignifying their kids with a real response. 

And I suppose, at times, this may be true. 

But 12 years and five kids into my parenting journey, I have found that sometimes, those are the four most appropriate words to say. 

My nine-year-old is incredibly literal and fact-driven. He needs to understand everything. I always try to make sure I explain my reasons and rationale for rules and reprimands very clearly to him, and most of the time he is very obedient. He likes to stay out of trouble, and he genuinely values doing the right thing.

Sometimes, however, he perceives something I say as a contradiction to something I said before, and this paralyzes him. He won't obey until he understands. 

There have been many times I have tried to explain why what he viewed as a blanket regulation was really more of a ruling for a specific case, and he just didn't get it. When those moments of misunderstanding occur in the crucible of ushering five kids out the door on time or preventing someone from impaling himself on some sort of treacherous household object, because I said so isn't a copout, it's the necessary final answer. 

Because here's the thing:

I want to dignify my kids with explanations, but I don't need to make them understand. Ultimately, whether they get it or not, I ask them to obey. There comes a point when they simply must trust that I love them and that I want what is best for them. If they won't accept or can't understand the why, because I said so is reason enough.

It can be a lot like this between us and God, don't you think?

Sometimes, like Jonah in the Bible, we flat-out run the other direction when God asks something of us. We think we know better than God. But sometimes, like my son, we just get paralyzed by the unknown. We think we have to understand before we can obey. 

God tells us over and over and over again to love, but we often run around in circles or bury our head in the sand waiting for further explanation.

We can't wrap our minds around why (or even how) we should love our neighbor (that pariah who looks/dresses/worships/acts/believes differently than us, that Samaritan). But God says to do it.

We don't understand why we should be merciful. Or why we should forgive. But God asks this of us. 

Understanding is not a prerequisite for obedience. 

Now, just to be clear, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking why. Questioning can be one of the best ways to draw near to Him. But if we're not willing to sit at His feet long enough to listen and be led--or if we're trying to abide but anxiously awaiting answers--we are still asked to obey. Ultimately, it's not the WHY that matters; it's the WHO. 

We shouldn't love because we understand, we should love because He said so. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. --Proverbs 3:5-6

If you love me, keep my commands. --John 14:15

Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments. --Matthew 22:37-40

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. --Micah 6:8

Upon hearing this Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' [Hosea 6:6] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. --Matthew 9:12-13

[Jesus asked] 'Which of these three was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?' 

The expert in the Law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.' 

Jesus told him, 'Go, and do likewise.' --Luke 10:36-37